It's getting closer to the end of the year. It's been a real roller coaster.  Here's my current thoughts (if anyone can decipher what it means):

-I'm getting surprisingly decent grades this quarter. Honestly, I thought this was a bad quarter (emotionally and academically) and I was swamped.
-It's a different winter break. Ever since my dad left, Megan, Kevin, and I have gotten so much closer and we're actually putting effort into each other's gifts this holiday.
-As a general statement from both at home and in Riverside...friendships of others really shifted left and right. From being a mediator to helping others cope to even dealing with my own...it's a shame that some are what they are now.  So much can happen in a year and I worry for myself/others sometimes.
-As for myself, I'm stable. I haven't done anything irrational (yet). Am I pissed off? At this point, it doesn't matter. No one wants to hear someone QQ.  Frustrated? Sometimes. Getting stabbed like that is a bit of a low blow. I'm going to hold that grudge for awhile, and you probably wouldn't blame me either. But just realize it's because I was hurt pretty bad.

Always listen to your instincts when you have a hunch...

Time to expand/rant in this entry.  I'm at a crossroad right now.  For the longest time, I've become a selfless person.  I learned through my first girlfriend that having a strong family bond takes you very far.  I also place my friends as a top priority because I believe in being a devoted and strong friend.  However, I feel like my selflessness has become my downfall.  I either have been constantly outplayed or I just fail badly.  On the outside, I can blame others for my efforts.  But at the end of the day, the only person I can blame is myself and I can only thank the person who showed me that I'm not successful.  The only thoughts that really stand out is helplessness; you're not going to say something because you don't want the unnecessary drama.  You realize that in the long run that it seems better for everyone but yourself for this outcome to occur; why change something just because you're the only one who suffers?  The world isn't fair anyway so it's futile to bicker for your selfish needs.

With no intended sarcasm, I would like to congratulate you for outplaying me.  It was never been about me and my continuous efforts, but you had the courage to pull a sneaky snake on me.  Words cannot describe how I feel but it deserves acknowledgment that in two short weeks, you succeeded in something that I couldn't accomplish in 6+ months.  I was sincere when I said this was not a competition but I feel rotten, heartbroken, and speechless.  I wish I listened to my instincts instead of giving you the benefit of the doubt.  And to sum it all up, I cannot and will not do anything because that is what a good friend does; support you regardless of my feelings because everyone seems happier.